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xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx

@OnTheDLL

come to my show you freaking nerds

 Brooklyn, NY
brooklyncc.com/show-schedule/taxi-cab-comedy/12-6
Joined September 2018
  • Tweets1.1K
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I made a comedy show! Now, I’m not saying I’ll use this show’s success as a measure of my self worth, but I sure will hate myself if you don’t buy a ticket right now – at Brooklyn, NY
TaxiCabComedy (@TaxiCabComedy) profile pictureTaxiCabComedy@TaxiCabComedy5 Nov 2022
Tickets are only $15! That's less than an actual cab would charge to drive you to the show! Unless you live nearby! In which case, it's so close to home you gotta go! You gotta go!!!
Image from TaxiCabComedy (@TaxiCabComedy)
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My last show is now on YouTube! Check it out: youtube.com/playlist?list=PL…
The Mall

The Mall

youtube.com
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Replying to @ahmattox
@ahmattox @andymangold I’m a huge fan of @luckypaperMtG! My friend had to leave #MagicConPhilly unexpectedly and now our mystery booster Trios team is down a player. Do you or someone you know want a spot on our team? We’ll have to drop if we can’t find anyone :( – at Philadelphia, PA
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Pretty cool that other animals just know not to look directly at the sun – at Brooklyn, NY
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FYI: It is not illegal to vote while drunk – at Brooklyn, NY
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Some of you are alright, don’t take the sidewalk tomorrow
Image from xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx (@OnTheDLL)
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In Los Angeles, loved and praised In the studio is where I spent most of my days Making music, TV shows, movies all cool And teaching Scientology in my school (1/2)
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When a host and comedian without a care Starting making jokes about my wife’s hair I got in one little fight, but because I’m a star The academy said “it’s fine, you can still have your Oscar” (2/2)
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Be on the lookout for foods you don’t like. Lotta folks out there want to make you eat them. Can’t allow it.
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Did people always spell it “cum” or is that search engine optimized?
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Yesterday I had to look my gf in the eye and tell her we can’t go to Costa Rica because their spiders are too big. How have you disappointed a loved one in the new year?
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I sincerely hope whoever came up with the phrase “surf & turf” is proud of themselves
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Feeling v jealous of crocodiles rn Eating bones looks rad
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Find someone who looks at you the way Hans looks at his detonators
FYI: There’s a new YouTube ad for reusable q-tips which, without warning, cuts to a candle’s worth of wax getting yanked from a dude’s ear
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It’s some real Shrek level shit and it happens pre-skip
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You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain
Image from xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx (@OnTheDLL)
Image from xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx (@OnTheDLL)
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Emo then: being a teenager SUCKS Emo now: holy shit, being 30 is so much worse
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Now we know how he keeps on pondering
Image from xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx (@OnTheDLL)
Image from xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx (@OnTheDLL)
I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times AND the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once. I am afraid of getting kicked.
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V pissed I won’t get to see where the tectonic plates are headed next
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Did you know Dave Grohl used to be the drummer for Sublime?
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