“He does well academically, so he’s a good boy.” “Her father is a pastor, so she’s a good girl.” Assumptions like these have forced many children to keep acting out a script instead of actually growing. Not necessarily because they want to, but because they have a reputation to protect without their consent. They must keep being the brilliant child, the well-behaved child, the pastor’s child, the one who never gets it wrong. And when they eventually stumble, as human beings inevitably do, the same mouths that once praised them become the mouths that speak the loudest words of shame and disappointment. But the truth is, many of these people were never really given the chance to grow. They were given an image to maintain, a name to protect, and expectations to live up to, often without the emotional tools or freedom to navigate the very process of becoming who they are. I am particularly pained by this because I am a victim of it. For the greater part of my life, I have lived for everyone else. I have tried to be who people thought I was, who they expected me to be, and who they had already decided I was. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a phase of rebellion. And I see it in the eyes of some people when they encounter my weaknesses. The surprise. The disappointment. The unspoken questions. But forgive me. This is my attempt at experiencing the growth I was never fully allowed to experience. I am learning that I can be a good person and still have things to work on. I can be intelligent and still make foolish decisions. I can have convictions and still have questions. I can be someone people admire and still be a human being who is figuring things out. And none of these contradictions should make me less deserving of the patience and grace we extend to other people. So, please, treat that high-flying child like a normal child. Let them make mistakes without turning those mistakes into a scandal. Correct them without making them feel like a disappointment. Allow them to discover themselves without constantly reminding them of who everyone thinks they should be. Celebrate their achievements, but don't make those achievements the price of their acceptance. There is nothing inherently special about a child simply because they excel. They are still human. They still need room to fail, learn, unlearn, ask questions, make mistakes, and grow. You may not understand this, but take my word for it. Sometimes, the child everyone is proud of is the child who has had the least permission to be human.

In other news! 2 weeeks late but On to the next…