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I just sucked the poop back into my butt because I don’t deserve anything my life is worthless & I need to be punished
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when my husband is giving birth at the hospital but my daughter texts me that our miami geek bar got confiscated at school
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white people when their favourite regretevator NPC gets on the elevator only to leave immediately on the next floor
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local cop just attempted to stop and frisk me bc i had a foil-wrapped item in my hand. asked me “let’s make this easy, how much weight you got?” didn’t like when i said “you stopped me for donuts?” really didn’t like when it was donuts. sped off.
get absolutely shat on, kid
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Cop once stopped and searched me and found a bag with whitish powder which I explained was apple spice cake mix. He then tried to say “let’s hope this is really apple spice cake mix” in an intimidating way while licking the bag. It was
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Charlie Kirk in hell after he died showing his neck wasn't the only thing with a hole leaking
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Just took a massive dump and it won’t flush and now the bathroom is flooded with my poo juice
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I ask my wife to never wipe her ass because im blind and i need the stink for location
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Just a saw tweet that started with "Toby Fox still has a cock" and then twitter autorefreshed before i could read the rest of it
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Farted so hard in front of a revolving door that the force of it sent it spinning at 3000 rpm and the old lady inside it got centrifuged to death
































