I gave my wife a rare locket for her birthday... 'Wow' she said, 'Eucalyptus flavour...' #badjokethursday #LunchPun

'Too much heat melts the clotted cream, so I prefer mine as they're served in Devon.' - Scone Cold Steve Austin #BadJokeFriday

Hercules: What a magnificent ship you have to search for the Golden Fleece. Where did you find such a vessel? Jason: Argos. #LunchPun #badjokethursday

The house where the Village People live has a leaky roof... ...which serves them right for hiring a cowboy builder... #LunchPun

The Blab #ASongOrMovieForTalk

Me: [delirious] ...Flash Gordon...I'll destroy your primitive planet...you impudent worm... Doctor: Oh no - he's faux Ming at the mouth! #sidesplittingsunday

The Doctor has recommended blood thinners... It's a weight loss club in the LA underworld... #BadJokeFriday

'Let me be clear - creased or wrinkled clothes will NEVER be tolerated in the White House!' said a Press Secretary... #LunchPun

I just saw two wheeliebins have a boxing match... They were professional though - nothing below the waste... #badjokethursday

With tour costs spiralling out of control, two bands aim to save money by combining into one super group... Tickets are now available for Boney M People... #LunchPun

Ironically, when leaving the underworld Orpheus was listening to Aswad's 'Don't Turn Around'...

After several hours of intense arguing over what to name our new baby we realised fighting was pointless, so we called it quits... #sidesplittingsunday

I accidently left my Starship Enterprise model out in the sun, now it has warped... #sillysaturday

My boss has forbidden me from showing both gratitude and derision simultaneously... It's become a bit of a ta/boo subject... #LunchPun #BadJokeFriday

I studied cup a soups at university - now I've got a Batchelors degree... #MondayMirth

After the success of my debut film 'The Phone Thief', I'm pleased to announce work is underway on the sequel - 'Phone Thief 2: This time its purse n'all'... #sillysaturday

Alas, I no longer cosplay as a Tudor monarch... I burnt those breeches a long time ago... #LunchPun #BadJokeFriday

When they first met in Oz the Tin-Man wanted to tell Dorothy that she had chronic BO, but he didn't have the heart... #sidesplittingsunday

So I attended a three hour lecture on Birds... I didn't know Angel Delight had so many flavours... #BadJokeFriday