niyi

Tattoo guy asked me if I wanted 2 change the font to match the fire (lol) Obv wasn't listening in '55 @BBCTheArchers

Spoiler: @NIAbbot

“if this parliamentary term were a football match, how long have the current uk government been in power?” i created/updated the website your sassy assistant bemoaned i had too much time to create/update: govfc.co.uk/ @NIAbbot

Wow wtffff. They actually took my blue tick away? Like I literally never even asked for it, but yep, feel kinda naked rn okay EMI maaaaay have asked for it on my behalf, but still…. bereft :(

Also, lmao, supporting journalism U most often disagree with, such as @spectator, just because a free and fair press is like one of the things which makes this very annoying country so great? Anyway, Merry Xmas all! <!!Support/subscribe to something which you disagree with!!>

& aren’t these actually ‘True British Values’ ? Respecting the rules we have in place, yes, but also recognising that we can make stuff more manageable for those who find themselves within these systems @ukhomeoffice ?

Whaaaa. How on earth have I got four letters in one day RE not being able to afford my @spectator sub 🤧 They literally all came today?!? lol and I was so excited I had a full Christmas postbox :( ps. Pls excuse the mess, I’m decorating before mother dearest comes in a few days!!

i only came onto twitter to see some gardeners question time pics they posted of a listener’s plant, but i’m already getting anxious seeing everything else 🤡

oh my word. every single time i see these images my heart just beats so fast and i’m so blessed to have worked with an illustrator who knew exactly what i was writing about in this children’s book 💜💜

he said it was okay to retweet what might actually be the BEST most AMAZING bars ever written about a covid vaccine

like, only a johnian would spot this palindrome

i wish i had a b4 pic, but the plant was literally looking so shit & i really don’t go on that many dates!BUT the last date before him literally pinched the leaf and said “that plant is so dead — feel that leaf”. i also dont go asking all my dates to pinch my garden leaves btw

so btw, guy i spoke about dating on the radio 4 thing i did who sorted out my garden — idk wtf he did... what sorcery he conjured.... but look at this! flowers for the first time ever we all need to date evening standard journalists coz they literally work miracles in ur garden

i think it was bell hooks — author, professor, and feminist — who said (and i thought she was actually joking at the time) she only takes a man with her on two occasions in her life: when she gets someone over for a quote for home improvement and when she goes to the doctor

my mother is a bloody formidable woman, but even she was sent away saying it was “women of a certain age problems” / anxiety / depression. we took legal action against virgin active (who ran the GP surgery) & they were put into special measures & forced to sort themselves out 💪🏾

wow. my mother went to the doctor for months complaining about her headaches and nauseous and double vision. it was only when A MAN went with her (okay me, just about a man lol) that they finally referred her, did a scan, & found an 8cm brain tumour and operated the next day

hopefully the candle will blow over and the whole thing will catch fire

okay you all were right. it came, and it’s shit. currently using it as a fancy outdoor table cloth