‘The Boy I Am, The Man I Choose To Be’ Age measures time. Development measures capacity. A relational development workbook for boys, men & those who love them.
South Africa
Joined March 2013
- Tweets78K
- Following301
- Followers11.4K
- Likes81.2K
A man who has never developed the capacity to identify, understand, communicate and regulate his emotions is more vulnerable to having those emotions organised FOR him by external authorities.
It benefits the system for men to be emotionally illiterate.
We think our anger, entitlement & violence are caused by other people’s behaviour.
But we are responsible for our own choices. Healthy love, communication, accountability & conflict resolution are skills we learn, practise and use to reject violence.
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe
Understanding developmental gaps does not excuse harmful behaviour. Accountability asks us to own our actions. Development equips us to change.
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe
GBVF prevention requires more than teaching people to protect themselves. We must examine the capacities our families, schools & communities cultivate.
What relational skill was modelled least consistently for you growing up?
wa.me/message/J3A7RUWOMUPAF1
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe
Some of you “love” Christ the same way you love that grootman who always pays for everyone’s food and alcohol.
Not as a leader embodying the principles you should be living by, but as a scapegoat continuously absorbing the consequences of capacities you refuse to develop.
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12
At the very foundation of our healing, we need to distinguish between ‘you’ & ‘me’. Enmeshment has been part of our survival strategy.
Because when, during apartheid & its aftermath, were we afforded the safety, time & resources to develop healthy human relational capacities? 🇿🇦
Shame doesn’t simply tell us we did something wrong. It can convince us that we ARE wrong.
When children experience rejection, humiliation or conditional love, they may begin to associate their worth with their behaviour.
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe 🇿🇦
Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”
Shame says, “I am wrong.”
This distinction matters when developing accountability.
We want people capable of recognising harm, taking responsibility and repairing it, rather than becoming paralysed by self-condemnation.
Here, we examine how shame shapes identity, relationships and accountability.
Are we teaching children to recognise and repair mistakes, or to fear being seen making them?
For a copy 📕: wa.me/message/J3A7RUWOMUPAF1
backabuddy.co.za/campaign/th…
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe
“Who’s she gonna accuse now?”
Denial is a weapon. In this country, we fight for our dignity in a failing system, only to face hostility from those it fails too. May we find the courage to confront harm, rather than punish those who speak against it.
I pray you heal Azania. ♥️🇿🇦
The Decolonisation of South African Societies & Economies by Healing the South African Family.
In this video we briefly explore Umsamo as the first institution of shared resources, and participation as a capacity for adaptation and social intelligence.
Sometimes, what we call someone’s personality is actually an adaptation to the environment they’re in.
The independent one who learned nobody was coming. The strong one who learned vulnerability was unsafe. The comic who learned to diffuse tension.
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe
Who did you have to become to feel safe, accepted or loved? And who might you become when survival is no longer your only responsibility?
Our developmental work must create room for people to exist beyond the roles they learned to perform.
For a digital copy📕: wa.me/message/J3A7RUWOMUPAF1
To support getting this book nationwide: backabuddy.co.za/campaign/th…
#TheBoyIAmTheManIChooseToBe
