nimea25

7 years ago I moved to Alberta to get outside of my comfort zone, become more independent and work on myself. I wanted this experience to change my life. Little did I know it would, but not in the ways I had hoped. 3 months later, I left because something felt wrong with my body. During my time away, I had gotten really sick, and from then on I never felt the same. I used to go for 3 hour hikes, work out, work a physically demanding job, go out with friends - all in the same day. I had a whole life and was doing “all the right things” to take care of myself physically and mentally. This trip was me trying to grow as a person and learn more about myself after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I had finally taken my power back. Then everything went south. I am still grieving this person quietly every day. She had a lust for life. Being out in nature fulfilled her so much, and allowed her to tap into and heal all of the wounds that were still left open, and facing the ghosts that had been haunting her for years. She was finally finding the strength inside her, and for the first time in her life had hopes and dreams and lived every day so intentionally. Just for it all to be stripped away in seemingly the blink of an eye. Here I am 7 years later, having lost the ability to do all of the things I used to enjoy. Unable to work. Being homebound and having so many limitations hold me back from living my life to the fullest. Having to say no to things to make sure I don’t cause more harm to my body. It’s not IMPOSSIBLE for me to do these things - but it always comes at an incredible cost and causes more damage to my health. Every aspect of my life has to be carefully calculated. I am proud of the person I am today - I am more than happy to use my voice and my platform to speak about my experiences with being invisibly ill and disabled…but I never chose this. I did all the “right” things, yet here I am. You could be the healthiest, happiest version of yourself, be doing all the right things, and STILL become invisibly ill and disabled at any moment. The future is always uncertain and unpredictable - there are no exceptions when it comes to getting this sick or developing a condition that could turn your life upside down, and what you thought your life would look like. Love hard. Say yes to the things that excite you, even if it scares you. Put your happiness first and try your best to make so many memorable moments with those you love and hold dear to your heart. You never know when things could change and you no longer have those options. Say yes now so you don’t regret things later. There is so much I wish I could’ve done, so many things I would’ve done differently in life had I known this was the direction my life would go. I celebrate #DisabilityPrideMonth not only to remember who I once was and recognize the grief I will always carry with me - but to also remember my journey as a disabled individual and how far I’ve come. The rollercoaster of it all. Remembering the lowest of lows, but also the moments in which I’ve gotten to help so many others by using my voice and speaking about my experiences. The moments I finally get to say “yes” and be present in life are all the more special. Giving myself the space to be proud of the person I am today. To those who read this and resonate with any of it, I’m sending you all the love in the world.