Someone told me I've gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I've never acted in my life. Until that moment.

I tried the Sour Patch wings from Wingstop, and now I can see colors that haven't been invented yet.

If Airbnb hosts are so upset about having to clean their own properties, surely they can just sell them and get a real job.

Airbnb is great because you get to experience what it's like to own a second home without any of the financial benefits.

I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. I just need a few days to make sure there's no other possible explanation.

Today I picked the correct Tupperware lid on the first try without looking. It's gonna be a great week.

Meal prep is great if you've ever wanted to eat chicken on Friday that was already pretty good on Monday.

I can’t explain it, but brownies your kind neighbor makes and drops off at your door don’t count toward your daily caloric intake. They just don’t. That would be rude.

Fun fact: Candy Corn has been around since the 1800s. We’re still working through the original batch.

For my thoughts too long for Twitter: natecomedy.substack.com/p/he…

I like ordering vegetarian food because “vegetarian” sounds healthier than “I ate six mozzarella sticks.”

GLP-1s may cause vision problems. Finally, a weight-loss drug that also makes the mirror more forgiving.

Fall is here, which means I can finally wear a sweatshirt without people asking if I’m hot.

I’ve started checking gas prices before leaving the house like they’re weather conditions. “Oof. Better stay in today.”

Me when the cashier turns the iPad around and says, “It’s just gonna ask you a few questions.”

Sometimes the only thing stopping me from making a bad decision is the website making me create an account first.

Nothing makes me believe in myself more than picking the right-size Tupperware lid on the first try.

I’m at the point financially where finding money I already had feels like income.

I got a piece of floss stuck in my teeth. If only there were something I could use to get it out.

My dog was drinking a ton of water after our walk. I was like, “Whoa, save some for the data centers.”