I’ve run half of the journal through ChatGPT. There are some interesting sections on his trans identity... “I am tired of being trans. I wish I had never brainwashed myself. I can’t cut my hair off now, as that would be an embarrassing defeat, and it might be a concerning change of character that could get me reported.” (“Part 2”, P. 9) “Fuck, I look really pretty. I think this outfit is a lot. I thought I was glowing but maybe not. I don’t want to dress girly. At the same time, I guess sometimes I really like it. I know I’m not a woman, but I definitely don’t feel like a man. [...] I really like my outfit. I look pretty, smart, and modest. I think I want to wear something pretty like this for my shooting. Maybe I can make my own custom tactical yet comfy (and hot) outfit! [...] I really want to be like some [“f***ing killer”?]. That thing is the perfect embodiment of how I want to appear. Scary, blank, dark, a covering void. That’s me.” (Pp. 32-33) “I wish I was a girl. I just know that I cannot achieve that body with the technology we have today. I also can’t afford that. I think females are sexy and hot, but my face never matches how I feel. I hate my face. I want to be a flawless, sexy body. Maybe that’s why I draw figures so much, to consider a new body and face. I want to be that black faceless mask on someone’s body, lmao!” (P. 41) “Plus, know that this is the Temple of Satan, to have trans people that are fucking packing. Normally when a tranny says they are packing, it means they have a fake penis, lol!” (P. 43) “I don’t know if I am a trans girl. It’s undeniable that I look how I look in girl clothes. I think thinking about being a girl… I want to be cute, and smooth, and soft. I am jealous of some people’s natural cuteness. I think had I got a girl outfit, even when dressed in the combat gear, I still could be very cute.” (P. 48) “Man, I really wish I was a cutie. I am very impressed with anime girls. I think I had seen those drawings all my life, but I never fully cared about the kind until recently. These days, I really go for being a little freak.” (P. 50) “My mother is coming to town to visit in about a week. I wonder if seeing her will stir my mind one way or another. When I was first out to my mother, she was very antagonistic. She made me really hate myself and think I would never be good enough. I remember one day, she said something like, “Oh, in the future… you will look back and feel ridiculous about why you felt like you were insane, but will regret this.” Well, guess what, Mom?! I regret being born. Those words you said to me always made me feel like I can never take back my choice to live like this. It’s not my choice to feel like a freak, it was mine to dress like one. Her words, maybe, made me still be misanthropic and able to ask for help to become something different. It wasn’t meant, but then you created me to want to kill so, so many people. Gender and what focus of my hate. I wish I never tried experimenting with it. Don’t let hormones stop mind or any gender until then for being seventeen.” (Pp. 63-64)