Mike

i don’t think u ppl understand that i’m a real, actual idiot empowered by the twitter platform

i want to paw at a globe

finding joy in being a massive tool

i want the soggy french fry

egg nog mike vs ovaltine michael

please implement a “Make it suck” button for X next to the Upgrade button, it should cost $5 and propel u to the For You tab, you must also get a badge in the mail that pins to your wild west sheriff vest no refunds

proof the platform is promoting self harm

he died doing what he loved: trying to view nipple(s) while operating heavy machinery

no babe i’m not scratching my ass, i’m searching for the life vest under my seat bc i see a dude who thinks he’s a brand

wind is so crazy

it’s poseur guy summer

ordering mcdonald’s in the shark tank pitch vocal style

ergonomically i’d describe myself as an exhausted baller

would be cool if wedding grooms wore breathe right strips

turning chilling into a business plan

i want a grammy for my contagious laughter

recurring dream where i’m driving along route 29 near trenton nj, car heat uncomfortably hot, capn jazz playing from cassette adapter, i’m lost

ready for my wall to wall carpet mcmansion era

i don’t like guessing where i should sit, everything should be gratuitously labeled