You are the weather channel. Turn that autocaps back on RIGHT NOW.

Great writing that Jefferson Davis was an evil clone of Abe Lincoln

I showed my son so much YouTube his first word was NordVPN

Sega Genesis is a beautiful name for a baby girl

I’m not sure how many more times I can tell this girl “she’s like my boy”

Just boof the vyvanse. Just boof the velo. Just boof the Celsius. Just boof it all. Boof it all to hell, bro. To hell…

[swiping up on a dudes instagram story about being a cheater that was obv posted by his gf] aw cmon don’t be so hard on yourself bro

They Might Be Gay

Classic bit that always gets me: someone says “I’ve been thinking” and someone replies “oh no”

And to think someone like this thinks his life is valuable in any way

Hi guys help my gnome budget their calories

*Steam Notification* ONE GAME ON YOUR WISHLIST IS ON SALE: $69.99 -> $59.99

The Insecure Henchman: You mad at me, boss? I do somethin?

Showed my barber a picture of my dick and he gave me the best haircut I’ve ever had

When a YouTuber says “sit back, relax, grab a drink or a snack, and enjoy”

Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny to hit cars when ur parking?

I usually talk myself through masturbation and it makes everyone at my job think I’m crazy

Confused Republican: I miss the days when men had penises and women had vaginas! And the penises were real nice and all…some were curved, some weren’t. All shapes and sizes…we’d all take a peek in the locker room. Your best friend would get mad when you stared too long…