Matthew Smith

"Horse slaughter" is the same as "horses laughter".

The weather channel is a sham. The only unfiltered source of weather data is photos of the temp in your car when it's sat in the sun all day

This isn't a fan fic democracy. It's a fan fictatorship.

@chewrocca My daughter said something that might make a better pickup line: "Want to see my new penis?"

@chewrocca Are you near a bar? Go inside.

My car has been acting funny lately. I think it might be racist.

I'm a little bit obsessed with cobras

I openly mock the swine flu. Weakass flu.

My dog looks vicious. When he's not cowering in fear of my cat.

Nada