Marissa 💃🏾

In a viral TikTok posted last month, a woman shared that her husband tried to destroy her favorite perfume by smashing the bottle against the sink and broke the sink instead. When commenters said his behavior was unfunny and abusive, she posted a screenshot of money she has made from TikTok, which “haters” contribute to. In another infamous video, a woman said she’s on her fifth day of silence with her fiancé after he bought her a cheap butter dish for Christmas while she got him an Xbox. In a follow-up post, she said she loves Kerrygold and insisted the original video was just for laughs. “You 100 percent deserve what you tolerate,” one commenter replied. Of course, no one understands the nuances of a relationship better than the people inside it. But these recent examples illustrate a phenomenon we’ve probably all experienced, when a friend or stranger shares tidbits of her partner’s bad behavior but will still defend him when anyone calls him out. It’s whiplash: “My husband hates me,” the shtick begins, followed by some version of “Stop, guys, it was a joke” or “You don’t understand our relationship.” You might argue that these videos are little more than sitcom schlock or rage-bait meant to maximize engagement. But the fury viewers feel is real. In a moment when women are reexamining the value of hetero relationships, many are tired of telling friends and loved ones to leave the men dragging them down. They don’t want to commiserate; they want you to do better. Bindu Bansinath writes about the strangers on the internet who are getting riled up by people who defend their partners’ bad behavior: nymag.visitlink.me/CFpmZp