twitter is like that one guy in your roster you keep going back to when everyone else is unavailable
friend 1 : my goal is to look like i’m starving
friend 2 : that’s not funny my ex was anorexic
friend 3 : oh so she succeeded
we are collectively too hard on fish man cause honestly i get it, i also swim towards shiny stuff in the ocean
do you keep your prescription sleeping pills in a drawer in case you wanna kys someday or are you normal
there’s a bridal party at work rn and they’re all wearing “same penis forever” t-shirts and like…….that’s not the flex they think it is
i’m gonna need someone to invent a painless IUD in the next 5 years cause i will NOT be doing that again
the PEG episode is a masterpiece. it broke my heart into a million pieces but in such a good way #SolosPrime