@lisaxy424

My mind is the live studio audience forced to think I'm hilarious...forever. I’m mediocre at ukulele but very good at crying. Birds are my new thing. she/her

 Chicago
xitter.cf/search/from:lisaxy424(exclude:replies)
Joined June 2014
  • Tweets29.6K
  • Following1.3K
  • Followers20.6K
533Media
It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.
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trash jones@jzuxOct 27
feeling bad today. let me unwind by spending a couple hours on my Feeling Worse machine
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‏ً
@omgsidewalksOct 25
At this point, I don't want to cook dinner, order dinner, or spend twenty minutes discussing dinner. I want food to appear in front of me like I'm a beloved elderly cat.
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Cami@tajin_rimOct 12
chicago marie illinois why is it 90 degrees when i am trying to make SOUP
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kiesha
@kiesha9iAug 23
Hate when I go to someone else’s house and there’s not a cat there. Why do you even have a house
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I think it’s time to start eating the rich because everything else has salmonella, listeria, E. coli, or glass in it.
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@dimvjiJun 29
everything used to be 20 dollars and now that i finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars
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Kids today will never know that before the internet, we sat down on Sunday nights to watch Bob Saget host TikTok on television
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If you’re wondering how close I fell from the tree…my 70-year-old mom has zero travel plans but is panic-renewing her passport now so she “doesn’t get stuck with the one with Trump’s busted face on it.”
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*Tries to fold fitted sheet one million times with no success* *Watches YouTube video tutorial* Ahhhh, okay I got it now… *Tries to fold fitted sheet one million times with no success* *Watches YouTube video tutorial* Ahhhh, okay I got it now… *Tries to fold fitted sh—-
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JUDE RAW@raw_jude16 Oct 2025
having an out of money experience
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Jeffrey Luscombe
@JeffreyLuscombeApr 13
If we’re taking sides… I’m on the side of the Pope. And I’m an atheist.
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bug 🍊@bug_socksApr 10
do u think the moon was happy to see another girl up there
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rachel is cringe@rickitMar 14
when people read my tweets
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String of words your grandpa lets out when he stubs his toe
Archaeology & Art
@archaeologyartJan 21
Whaler made scrimshawed whale ivory Sea Horse pie crimper, circa 1850
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Cllr Bogd Weller@real_bogdwellerJan 6
terrifying to think that with a suitable covering of synthetic skin, these machines could convincingly pass for any number of US senators and congress members
Saint Javelin
@saintjavelin12 Nov 2025
Russia unveiled its new humanoid robot, AIdol, in Moscow and it immediately collapsed👏🏼
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ppigg
@s4m31p4n24 Dec 2025
Are you sleeping in heavenly peace with other bitches yes or no
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Noah Garfinkel@NoahGarfinkel21 Dec 2025
How long it takes me to accomplish one simple task.
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seiya@systole_17 Nov 2025
it’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane
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Wait…is this feeling I’m feeling h-hope!? 💙🩵💙
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