Chicago, RT this! If we hit 5k tweets by 1/10, we get 30% off weekday @Lyft rides until 2/5. #LyftChicago Terms Apply

This pup appreciates the LAST minute rebook at ORF Gate A8 (Dereje A + 2 anon) that got me home tonight! @AmericanAir

Seriously, China, you're the worst. China bans wordplay in attempt at pun control gu.com/p/43yyc/stw

Good. Pink is finally actually singing. Is she an acrobat or a singer? I'm confused 😕

There's a tv show dedicated to tree houses? WTF. #TreehouseMasters #whathewhat

“@NotCommonFacts: People with weird personalities make the best friends.” Worrrrd! my friends are the weirdest but THE best ☺️ @kRae @ellecc

The awkward moment when you accidentally like/favorite something of a random person you're stalking 😣 #fml #oops #fatfuckingfingers

I've never been so happy for a month to end... #worstmonthever

Overhead in Newport, "He fell for my pussy! Not yours!" Keeping it #classy, Kentucky.

Drake's total disinterest in Miley's ridiculousness is pretty much the best part of the performance.

I think this means my über is here.. I think...

“@I_amBUSSEY: You have the power to make someone's day with a kind word. Gone 'head and be a day-maker today.” #wtym

#truth RT @__Sagittarius__ Among the things a #Sagittarius fears, change is not among them. #Sagittarius live for change.

Unsolicited horoscope in my inbox today: "...Mind your own business today. Perfect yourself." I'll work on perfection, you work on #MYOB

So many vapid convos while on public trans this week. Finally understand the perpetual ear bud thing. #stfu #idiots #nopatienceforignorance

“@runnersworld: Too little sleep may up your craving for midnight munchies: ow.ly/nIKGv so go to bed!” #StoryOfMyLife #GoodNight