Attention Goofy Retard: I am surrounded by feralized blacks in the ramshackle favela that my squalorous binbox shithole apartment is located in. My rent is $4000 a month. Not sure what the deal is, but I don’t get it. Step 1: The only activity I can afford to do is play video games. Step 2: Hi Stella at Great Clips thanks for cutting my hair because I’m too retarded to have ever picked a better barber in my life (literally anyone) can you “get my lettuce right” Step 3: Stella gave me the “Sad Faggot” taper and now I look like a Morrowind character. It’s time to look up tutorials on YouTube for how to brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Step 4: After detailing my sick ass Scion xD I immediately get brake checked by a Mexican woman on the I-5 who has literally nobody in front of her. I get out to exchange information and she frowns at me and makes confused indifferent faces to gesticulate that she never has had insurance or even knows what that is. Step 5: Sign up for a yoga class after reading Rape Tips on Twitter. Step 6: Take the bus to the yoga class Step 7: Get detained and arrested for saying hello to the woman with 5 tattoos next to me (Dirt Dog please help me, what’s an arraignment?) Step 8: God rewinds the scenario and sets up a date for me just to keep the hypothetical going. Step 9: Send 5 texts in a row and turn her messages into your fucking blog. It’s important women know that you’re thinking about them constantly, they definitely don’t get the ick from that and despise you for being a DATE guy. Step 10: Tape two different bouquets of flowers together like a psychopath despite the fact that every grocery store on earth already has bouquets put together by florists. Give them to this withered hag who has mentally put you into the “free dinner” filing cabinet in her mind. Step 11: Be an obsequious little marmot and fold your hands neatly while bending over backwards for this vapid gruel slurping peasant who has a body count exceeding that of a medieval prostitute. Provided you paypig her you are highly likely to get yourself an opportunity for providing free dinner #2 and becoming the first on bench to warm her up for her sneaky links later. Keep going until the eating pussy guide you studied on Reddit pays off and you find a mentally ill horse face girl on Hinge who’s got a nice vulnerable window of desperation. That’s when you know Israel will have at least 3 more corn fed homunculi to fight its wars in the future. Chris Hatch’s life is complete living in middle American porridge town raising grain brain mutants with his ham hock barnyard heffer wife. He could be convinced by a radio ad to start drinking toilet water as a joke and if he were alive in Victorian England he would be swinging squirrels by their tails into wooden poles until they were more liquid than solid while local kids tossed apple cores at him and paid him shillings to swallow rocks. If he was exposed to what the actual world is like for 24 hours, the only thing stopping him from sprinting headfirst into a concrete wall is the aneurysm robbing him of the opportunity. His golem existence will go unabated as he subsists off a diet of macaroni and chopped up hotdogs until one day the electricity stops working and then the plumbing stops too. He will have absolutely zero skills or resources to protect himself or his family from roving bands of men who actively engage in the future version of “how to get dates with women” at gunpoint. Happy Hunting.

JUST IN: 🇺🇸 US boomers overwhelmingly support higher taxes on younger workers to maintain current Social Security benefits, poll shows.

Throw up the set

2026 financial advice

OpenAI and Anthropic oversold AI security breaches to pressure feds into protecting turf: insiders trib.al/Jo6xMk5