Kuvor

2025 was a very terrible year for me… I prayed, fasted, and kept asking God for just one thing, but instead of things getting better, they kept getting worse. I became so angry at God. One day, I went to the park and screamed at Him. I questioned Him like an angry, spoilt daughter questioning her father. I don’t even know how I found the courage to do that, but I did. I was extremely angry at him. Each time anyone talk abt God beside me.. I get more angrier.. Don’t judge me, i was exhausted. I was tired. I was genuinely tired of hoping, praying, and waiting for nothing to change. So eventually. I withdrew. The worst part? Whenever I reported God to my mum, she would say, “Everything happens for a reason” or “Everything works together for good.” But no, this one hurt me. I couldn’t see the good in it. I was hurting, and I needed someone to understand that. What hurt even more was seeing people who didn’t pray as much as I did living the very things I had been praying for. Meanwhile, I had to keep explaining my efforts to family and friends so they wouldn’t think I wasn’t doing anything about my situation. I would think about Job in the Bible, how much he suffered and how God eventually restored him. And I would ask myself, “God, what about me? What happens to me?” I withdrew, stopped praying and going to church.. After a while, I started feeling guilty for withdrawing from God. I felt terrible for not praying, for missing my morning worship and praise, and for not being as spiritually consistent as I used to be. I felt so empty. One day, I was scrolling through TikTok when I came across one of Apostle Joshua Selman’s messages. That led me to search for more of his messages, particularly: “When God Is Silent” “I’ve Prayed and Prayed, So Why Has Nothing Changed?” “The Staying Power (The Grace to Outlast)” “How to Restore Your Prayer Fire and Spiritual Passion” “Grow Your Intimacy with Go As I listened to these messages, I gradually started reflecting on my journey.. how far God had brought me, where I used to be, the things He had brought me through, and how much worse things could have been. It made me realise that even in the seasons when I felt God was silent, He had not stopped being faithful. Slowly, my heart began to soften. I drew closer to God again. I started asking for forgiveness, and eventually, I found myself returning to the very place I had withdrawn from. This year wasn’t perfect but I’m grateful that I’m back to God, I’m talking about God again. I’m speaking about His faithfulness again. Not because I have all the answers. Not because everything I prayed for has happened, but because, somewhere along the way, I realised that even in my confusion, disappointment, and anger, I didn’t want to lose my relationship with Him. My faith has been tested in ways I can barely explain, but I’m still here. And perhaps that’s where my story stands for now. 🙏 Goodnight ❤️