it feels so weird trying to get back into being online again after isolating myself for a few years and existing mostly in a bubble with friends, my social anxiety is skyrocketing every time I want to do more than leave a like on someone's post, but
I do want to engage with fandoms I'm in, I want to be a part of them, want to post art I made and not be afraid to interact with people, but everything feels so overwhelming and my depression keeps shutting my whole body down that I don't even know if it's all worth it
I'm just so scared to live a life I'd want, it's so stupid and pointless and I'm so tired of myself constantly, hating everything I do and just myself as a whole
I don't understand how can I stop just existing and start actually living
I feel like I'll never know
You don't appreciate how incredibly hard it is to use the extremely limited English vocabulary creatively when you grew up with proper Slavic profanities.