👏👏👏👏👏

*serious CEO voice* im a softcore spoon in the road

Ughh so disappointed I can never be a "hardcore" software engineer because I don't even own a printer OR a shredder 😔

LOL

Busted him reading/eating my meeting notes but that means they were finally useful 👍

I tried to teach my cat "paw" but now he just smacks me and expects a reward whenever I'm eating something delicious

My only concrete plans this weekend are long naps and breakfast burritos. Everything else is tentative and always will be!

Sorry I missed your tweet but I think I muted every single word I know

Lazily googling: "how to wake up and give a fuxk"

Frantically googling "HOW TO RELAX"

Found zen watching my cat lick gravy out of his beard

Left the cat unattended for 2 seconds and now my hair brush is in the toilet and I'm using my hand as a comb 😵‍💫

Accidentally organized a theme night (ordered pizza and watched Bad Vegan) so now I need a few days to relax and recover

There are infinite ways to get from point A to point B but luckily my cat always chooses the path that involves leaping directly in front of my face and nearly taking off my nose 😼

I see a lot of complaints about not having twitter circles access... personally I have an Android though so I have no expectation of having access to any features at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

awww 😻😻

Oh thank god twitter has pets and jokes today instead of just the weird shit

😹😹

Hmm my cat never naps on me anymore but that's potentially because I'm extremely annoying lol