Hospital chaplain, BCC. Korean American. 6th dg black belt. Son to immigrants. Counseling student. Author of As Long As You Need.
Tampa FL
Joined September 2014
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My newest book, WE ARE MADE OF US, is now available for preorder. 🫶✍️
It’s about family dynamics, facing inherited trauma, and reclaiming motherland. It’s part memoir, part guide, and part hospital stories through my decade of chaplaincy.
penguinrandomhouse.com/books…
Katie Zacharia lasted about 0.36 Scaramuccis.
For those who get this, we’ve been enduring for a long, long time.
One thing I’m learning as I’m studying to be a therapist is that I’ll never be out of a job because of everyone else who will not go to therapy.
The sad reality is that at hospital bedsides, I have seen sighs of relief over the deceased, when there is finally freedom from a monster. It’s a complex and layered grief mixed with relief and rage. But I get it. It was the only way the family would ever know peace.
My two and a half year old son, who I’m told is speech delayed, just told me for the first time out of nowhere unprompted, “I love you daddy.” 🥲😭
What I wish my parents had done when I “acted out” as a child is instead of hitting me in the face, beating me with sticks, splitting open my scalp, and berating me,
they had held me and told me “I want to figure this out with you.”
That’s what I’m doing for my children now.
My mom recently got a new place and she set up one of the rooms for my six year old daughter, complete with princess bed and a full bookcase. We were blown away by grandma’s generosity.
My two year old son’s room wasn’t ready yet and it only had a chair. He walks in,
Things I have never told my children and never will:
“You’re so annoying.”
“You embarrassed me.”
“Why can’t you be more like ___”
“I don’t believe you.”
“That’s what you always do.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Boys will be boys.”
I don’t care how many good things he did,
I don’t care if he had a promising future,
I don’t care how nice or polite or quiet he was,
r*pe is heinous and monstrous
and if you defend a monster,
you are a monster.
Half the country elected a ped*phile r*pist,
they were never going to care if it was frat guys or pastors or the police or a right wing celebrity grifter.
That’s how he got elected.
Nolan Xavier Wells.
Don’t stop saying his name.
Don’t forget his face, his voice, his life and family.
He deserves justice and our memory.
Not a single abuser who abused me is living with a ruined future.
Not a single one ever “redeemed” themselves or turned their lives around for better.
Not a single one has had any remorse.
Save your concern for the victims.
Spare me any care for abusers who never did.
If you see a book or album or movie that says Christian,
it doesn’t mean better, it usually just means marketing.
My two year old son waves to everyone and even if he doesn’t get a wave back, he smiles big say and says “Bye!” He’s unflappable.
(But it’s always nice when he gets a hello back 👋)
It should not take having a daughter, mother, sister, or wife to care about women, children, neighbors, strangers.
Having a daughter does not make me you or me an expert on misogyny or free from it.