@jp_mcdade

Comedian. Debut special “JP McDade: In Brooklyn” on YouTube now.

 New York, NY
youtu.be/s9TOXFM3t1M?si=BYO0XkghKIUdcuFI
Joined March 2009
  • Tweets25.7K
  • Following734
  • Followers10.2K
2.1KMedia
My debut special, produced by @stavvybaby is out now! youtu.be/s9TOXFM3t1M?si=1vdr…
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I believe Theranos 2.0 will be different. They are using lasers, they are looking into the various Chemistries. Theranos 2.0: this time it’s lasers.
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*Awakens in tomb* Huh? *checks wrists and feet, the wounds are gone* What in the… (music swells) I’m Him.
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*Removes lab safety goggles* Oh my God. (music swells) I’m him!
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One day we’re going to learn the hidden meaning or purpose behind fragrance commercials and why they’re so weird. I predict it will have a destabilizing and disorienting effect on the entire human race.
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Funniest possible move for Sebastian is to now change the programming of his Sirius channel to 100% his own standup.
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Asterisk for whoever wins the World Series in a postseason where Judge was hurt.
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J.P. McDade retweeted
Sahib Singh
@sahibcantsinghOct 7
when the crosswalk is at 1 sec and the sheep start running but u maintain nonchalance on some calm lion shi…
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This is the year I check my ego, stow my superego in the overhead compartment, and secure my id snugly under the seat in front of me.
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The Tampa Bay Rays’ ballpark is unfit for Major League Baseball. It should be used for boat shows and high school graduations.
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Sebastian responds
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Here’s the thing. You didn’t have a conversation with ChatGPT, you used the computer. That was a computer.
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J.P. McDade retweeted
Colin Quinn
@iamcolinquinnOct 3
Fall essentials. A late afternoon get together. Irish coffee. ( easy on the coffee.) Pumpkin deviled eggs. A group of friends in big sweaters. ( might be a little snug after the holidays haha) Just light catching up with some 90s hits playing in the background. No frowns and no Phones!!
Jonathan Shuttlesworth
@JDShuttlesworthOct 3
Replying to @pwroflov @iamcolinquinn @RichVos
Colin, can I please get a mindless soccer mom autumn 🍂 tweet from you?
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Wilson Contreras can do that long, slow trot all the way home. Boston sucks, Yankees rule.
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Eagles suck Cowboys suck Giants rule
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Trump is at the President’s Cup. Just hand the trophy to the Internationals now.
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Great sign for media when the New York Times is engagement farming with a list of tv shows.
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Yeah I watch Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, but only for the music.
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I would like to politely push back on my money being stolen and given to genocidal scum.
The Washington Post
@washingtonpostSep 15
Breaking news: The Trump administration is preparing a $2.8 billion sale of 2,000-pound bombs to Israel, the largest single sale of the controversial munitions in recent years, a U.S. official told The Post. wapo.st/4Ae8VTH

Trump’s planned sale of controversial bombs to Israel is largest in years

The pending transfer of the 2,000-pound munition, involved in scores of incidents resulting in civilian casualties, sets up a potential litmus test for Democrats.

washingtonpost.com
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Time travel must exist because someone obviously went back and gave Buddha a copy of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.
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