i went to a house party once and noticed two guys in the kitchen playing a very intense game of rock paper scissors so i decided to check out what was the big hype. come to find out it was two deaf guys high on cocaine having a conversation

when i was a kid i always thought crazytown was a real place

for halloween i'm being an invisible guy

drinking in the old west must have been crazy. just getting hammered and drunk driving 35 miles on a horse

telling me to think for myself is the worst advice anyone can give me

in LA “let’s get coffee sometime” means both hello and goodbye

i gotta feeling the swifties are gonna jan 6 the umg offices

i straight up can't walk out of ulta without smelling like 5 different kinds of awesome

tbh i would totally destroy jason street in murderball

i thought i saw bryan stars on ventura blvd but it turns out it was just some crackhead in an aeropostale shirt asking for change

"thank u for ur service" - me talking to a service dog

tbh i would be quite annoyed if someone gave me a partridge in a pear tree

i remember one time i drank a four loko outside of the white house

it's all fun and games until your oversized t shirts start fitting

one of the biggest things i have learned while living in LA is that my right nostril is ticklish but my left nostril is not

the concept of self help is insane. you’re trusting ME to help ME???

looking back it’s honestly amazing that i did age 7 completely sober

the OC would have been way sicker if they cussed in it

band t shirts last longer than the bands

i'm re listening to that shaggy song and i'm starting to think it actually was him