@johnnycomic

https://xitter.cf/t.co/aqOP44DEpn My goal is to make you laugh or at least smile a couple times a day. Oh, and I have 3 great kids.

 Los Angeles, CA
johnnybeehner.com
Joined November 2009
  • Tweets3.8K
  • Following470
  • Followers4.8K
680Media
Comedian DESTROYS crowd with KILLER crowd work. #comedy #crowdwork #destroy #beehner #standupcomedy
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Didn’t win the damn lottery … AGAIN!!!
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Hacky, overused social media phrases that everyone’s tired of don’t exi-
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I tell my kids not to care about what people think of them, yet I don’t unsubscribe from emails because I worry the company will be disappointed in me.
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My penis fell off today. I’m serious.
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I’m a shrinker, not a stinker.
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Taco Bell’s chili cheese burritos are 2nd to none
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FRIDAY, Oct 25 @ 8pm 😆👏🤣 😂Comedian Johnny Beehner with 😂Host Zach Favorite @johnnycomic @zachfcomedy 😂👉2️⃣1️⃣21 or older to drink 😂👉👉1️⃣7️⃣17 or older to attend 🎟️👇aztecshawneetheater.ticketsp… 😂Comfy theater seats, full bar 🍺🥤& snacks🍿🍫 in lobby #LIVEcomedy #shawneeks
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“Didn’t you guys used to have a hot tub?” “Nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
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Wait a minute, Kamala’s mom’s name is Shamala?? That is pretty funny.
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Not for long, my friend.
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Eat today how you want to shit tomorrow.
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Aw man. I love ya, @KwikTrip , but ya burned me today. I ALWAYS get my creme-filled long john, but today someone put a regular one on the creme-filled shelf. My friday is ruined. 😔
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you ever think you just came up with the funniest bit ever, and so you run it by one friend and based on their reaction, you decide that you made a mistake trying to make a living as a comedian?
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I’m not proud of all my tweets.
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Someone should make a gif of Chewbacca having sex with snuffleupagus.
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#chiefs #SuperBowlLVIII
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No social media post has ever made me change the way I look at time, money, or parenting. #33rdSeoulMusicAwardsinBKK
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There’s got to be at least 2 snowflakes that are the same. There’s way too many for them ALL to be different. I mean, come on!
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Dear hotels, Let’s stop putting mirrors on bathroom doors facing the toilet. It was kinda eye-opening in my younger, more curious days. I’m over it now. Love, Johnny
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Comin to the Caravan! #Louisville
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