JohnPaulsen

the original “5ft Something”

We should all get a day off, there’s been a death in the family. 🩷

Brand is not a strategy. If at your company it is and you approach it like that, you’re doing it wrong.

because she’s still sexy when my eyes are closed.

If I’m LeBron’s strategist I tell him to come out very publicly that he believes Jordan is the GOAT. That’s the only way time will be kinder to him.

I wish I was a kid so when I ask @SHAQ for a hug, it’s not creepy.

Congrats to @23XIRacing, Micheal Jordan, & @TylerReddick for winning the #Daytona500

Not a coincidence that @girlscouts cookies come out when everyone is about to give up their New Years Resolutions.

A little Dutch language twist: ask for “patat” in Amsterdam, say “friet” – in some suburbs they might raise an eyebrow. But the end game? Fries. #LanguageFun #DutchCulture

I think ABC saw an opportunity to nix a contract with someone who was not bringing in ratings. I don’t think what Kimmel said was that controversial, or different than what others are saying.

I just left my phone’s flashlight on for who knows how long. I’m going to start picking out elderly care center’s tomorrow.

1 to 1 LETS GO! #nationsfaceoff #USAvsCAN 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

I appreciate you bringing me a glass for my beer but…I’m blue color at heart.

The humidity in Texas is good for one thing…softening up those Nila Wafers. 😋

Attention Autocorrect - I promise I have never and/or promise to never use “defiantly” in a sentence. I am always mistyping “definitely”

Yeah if I was @chipfoose no one would care if I was still tucking t-shirts in my jeans either.

I feel a little sorry for all of you out there getting to promoted to Assistant Regional Manager. #theoffice #jokes

There is no better move in an action thriller than the good guy grabbing the arm of the bad guy holding a gun and using that guy’s arm, with the gun still in his hand, to shoot another bad guy.

As the style of men’s shorts get shorter the style or men’s socks get longer and vice versa.

whiskey mixed with gingerale and the women you love in a bikini is the key to happiness. #makeithappen