Nippy Gaylord

I saw my cat Belle staring under the couch, and I hoped it wasn’t what I thought it was. It was. And now there’s a live mouse and a herd of cats running around my house.

It’s probably too late to ask, but I’d really appreciate it if my 12 year old dog would not walk around when he poops.

I absolutely, positively, most definitely do NOT need to buy any more eye shadow crayon sticks.

Slept so well (home alone all night) that the only thing that woke me up this morning was the drool running out of my mouth.

It’s greyhounds in pajamas weather tonight.

I ordered a new daily planner so I guess there’s no reason to start improving my life until it arrives.

Steve better end up happy or imma gonna riot.

Presenting: Greyhound and tortilla chips.

Just got teary eyed listening to @alyankovic cover of ‘What is Life.’ Did not expect that to happen.

I don’t want a stinky, furry tube. But yet I do want a stinky, furry tube.

Cockblocked. But it’s this cat and I’m just trying to fold laundry.

My day today is brought to you by 2 excedrin and a very large iced tea.

I drink far too much water to be wearing button fly jeans.

The only thing my stove gets hot enough to do right now is soften Raman noodles. So we’ve been living on my Thai peanut noodles. And I ain’t mad about it.

I had to run some errands and forgot to change my dog walking shoes. So if you see a woman wearing cropped yoga pants and ugg ankle boots. Please look away.

Which part of this story do you think she actually cares more about?

Except they’ve escaped from the pasture, one is visibly lame, and lord know what they ate and you whisper to yourself “fucking horses.”

Really need to rethink listening to songs that make me cry while I drive to work.