taro drinks taste like the buttered popcorn jellybean

she Large on my Hadron til i Collider

doctor just diagnosed me with caring too much disease

fighting at church, call that an altar-cation

desperately need someone to lay on top of me like a human weighted blanket

parked in a ramp without realizing i have no way to pay … i am stuck

i love meal prepping (eating out and then having leftovers)

say we’re on a first date and as i was driving us to get ice cream i backed (hard) into a parked car.. would you go on a second date?

Her Majesty Queen Valu Peas

if you see me at the airport, no you didn’t. that’s my goblin time

yeah i’m a simp (super interesting megasexy person)

new strategy: slow blinking at people i want to like me

y’all ever get sick and it makes your head feel like you just got out of the YMCA pool?

a six month old kitten can sense when you’re having a bad time and know exactly how to make it worse