Intan Mei

Muslim men of today do not seem to know what they want. We are stuck between “our women should stay at home and build our kids” and, in the same breath, we want them to be placed in positions of authority. These are, unfortunately, two parallel lines. We cannot keep demanding two different versions of Muslim women depending on what we need from them. At home, we want the endlessly available wife and mother whose highest priority is the family. Outside the home, we suddenly want the highly educated woman, the executive, the entrepreneur, the professional, the woman capable of navigating institutions and carrying serious responsibility. Then we act surprised when she cannot simultaneously give each of these roles the entirety of herself. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a mother, wife, scholar, entrepreneur or professional but we pretend all these responsibilities require nothing from her. Every serious role costs something. Leadership requires time. Motherhood requires time. Marriage requires time. Building a business requires time. Scholarship requires time. We should stop speaking as though a woman can be expected to give her absolute best to every sphere simultaneously without trade-offs. If you believe your wife should devote herself primarily to raising your children and building the home, do not turn around and complain that Muslim women are absent from positions of influence. You cannot demand the product while dismissing the process that produces it. Likewise, if you want Muslim women to become doctors, academics, entrepreneurs, executives, policymakers and leaders, then you must accept that some of them will have ambitions, responsibilities and commitments beyond the four walls of your home. You cannot applaud a Muslim woman when her competence benefits the Ummah and condemn that same competence when it makes demands on your own expectations of her. Caution should also be given to Muslim women against accepting the premise that their worth is proven only when they occupy corporate offices or positions of authority. That is merely another form of reduction. A woman does not become more valuable because she becomes an executive, nor does she become less valuable because she chooses motherhood as the centre of her life. What we need is not a Muslim woman who fits whatever role modern society or Muslim men happen to demand from her. We need a Muslim woman who is educated, grounded, competent and conscious of Allah, with the freedom and wisdom to know where her abilities are most needed at different stages of her life. Before we start asking why Muslim women are not in more positions of authority, we should ask ourselves if we have we actually built families, marriages and communities that make it possible for women to exercise that authority without making them pay for it twice. Because you cannot ask a woman to build the home, raise the children, support the husband, preserve the family, pursue education, build a career, lead institutions and serve the Ummah, then call her deficient when she inevitably has to choose where to spend her finite time and energy. We need clarity. May Allãh grant us one.