The most devastating thing about this is that she came to learn the thing, the unending grief, that you never ever want someone to know. & it hurts to know that other people know. It is the loneliest place & yet you never ever want another person to join you so they are spared.
The other day my son said ‘what was that like for you?’ And the ‘that’ was the death of his dad when he was 8. He was so full of empathy when he said it, it was a moment you don’t forget.
So, being sick is obviously causing me to hallucinate because after I went back to sleep I dreamt that Hudson Williams was my nephew and he was helping me carry boxes of stuff to my car and I’m like of course this is normal he’s my nephew.
Just had a stupid dream he’d taken out a full page article in the herald with a complete timeline of his intended engagement and wedding to a girl with my name, and was ready to send a wtf email before I woke up, and realised the fucker is still living rent free in my head.
















