Co-worker regarding new #blackberries: "They are giving us new ones because our #balls don't work." (immature laughter abounds)

Co-worker asking about a lozenge: "What do I do, just put it in my mouth and #suck?" (immature laughter abounds)

Co-worker: "I'm going to put a big fat brick of #dick inside you."

Co-worker (after saying something to me in Spanish): "Loosely translated, it means you are the whore of my #asshole."

Co-worker: "I think a #mung bucket is probably the grossest thing I think of." Me: "I think the actual #munging beats the bucket o goo."

Me (regarding a #Tempur-Pedic mattress): "It's like living in a vagina. Soft, warm, moist wonderfulness."

Me: "You definitely have a vein of asshole running through you." Co-worker: "Yeah it's the big throbbing vein that wraps around my dick."

Co-worker: "How would you suck a fart out of an asshole? I keep being told to do so, and I'm just curious how one goes about it."

Co-worker: "I just upper deckered this place. It means I took a shit in the top part of the toilet. Message is: don't go in there."

Me (about the 50ft woman): "You could literally swim in her vagina." (A pause as co-worker chuckles.) "These are facts, dude."

Me to co-worker (about his lunch): "I've taken shits that look like that...and I was concerned."

Co-worker about colleague: "I think he likes catching. And by that, I mean he likes bending over & taking it up the ass over & over again."

Co-worker (to himself): "Fiduciary. Fiduciary. Fiduciary. Fa-douche. Fa-douche. Faaa-dooooouuuuche." (laughs to himself hysterically)

Co-worker: "My goal in life is to invent a time machine, so I can go back to when you were 9 years old and bang your mom in front of you."

Co-worker, describing Michael Jackson's 'You Are Not Alone': "He took a break from molesting little boys, & he wrote this beautiful song."

Me to co-worker: "I like to call your mom 'Gravy.' It's a reference to her vagina."

Co-worker (in reference to a vegetarian griping about lack of menu options): "He needs to get up on the hill and fight like the gays did."

From my boss (in a conversation about problems she's having with her boyfriend): "I need some girl on girl action."