Ever rub your belly button and think about Mom?

Anyone have an ello invite to send my way? Want to get back into social media with no bullshit

Ever been so angry you have to clean?

Steve Jobs must be turning in his grave #iPhone6Fail

People love me to hate me cause I am me.

In need of a mama sun dominatrix yoga instructor, is there such a thing

People purposely do shit to piss me off!

#SCOTUS got it wrong. Should have the right to use a cloud-based antenna to watch TV live. Pls take action #ProtectMyAntenna @RepSeanMaloney

Holy shit I just came, phantom dust is back! #XboxE3

I just bite into a #slimjim and it tasted like crap. All dried out, no snap, WTF, afternoon ruined now

@VaughnWhiskey me too

21-1? Noooooo

Need sun, warmth and an umbrella in a coconut cocktail in my near future.

If it ain't one thing it's another

you could of at least bought me dinner first #IRS

Want a cigarette so bad right now

Will it ever be warm again?

Why do they take so long in the store?

i can't be in a better place if it's freezing all the damn time, c'mon summer!

So what I got busted singing #Roar by a soccer mom with a van filled of kids!