@httpjens

well actually

 chicago
Joined May 2011
  • Tweets39K
  • Following965
  • Followers4.8K
5.1KMedia
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“love is in the air” WRONG. LETS GO GAMBLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰 WE’RE SO CLOSE TO WINNING BIG 🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰 I KNOW IT 🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰
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I hope I don’t feel like this forever
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i was genuinely meant to be a deadbeat middle aged alcoholic father but instead i got stuck as a young woman
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I texted all my hoes can I come over none of them answered
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"How many beers are you gonna have tonight?"
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addicted to saying “not my circus, not my monkeys” to things that are absolutely both my circus and my monkeys
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lady gaga’s baby’s first words:
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I feel like this little monkey it’s okay little monkey
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sometimes a big dawg (me) needs a pup cup (8-16 beers)
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I show up at the bars just ugly as fuck
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Your 20s will teach you that you’ll be alone on the saddest day of your life but the sun will rise again and you’ll live
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It’s Women’s Day! 😻 To celebrate, will you Top like Taylor? Or Twerk like Miley? Please Answer
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jen retweeted
Mutheu@rvth33Feb 15
So now AI can hack into someone's phone when they're drunk and send text messages?
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i knew from a young age that i was offputting and unfixable
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i’m a little bit ugly is that okay with you
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I used to think i was ugly then i found out i was fat and gay too
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the most relatable part of new tay album is that I too in the last few years have experienced massive cognitive decline due to excessive drinking
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me vs @httpjens this week 🤨 who will come out on top (i’m 0-2 😔)
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what if i’m autistic and my special interest is drinking alcohol
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