people going crazy over mark zuckerberg like they’ve never seen someone drinking guinness who obviously secretly hates it

i think we could be a bit meaner to billionaires

“1 like isn’t a lot” ok well imagine one delicious gordal olive

nice, a new candle! can’t wait to burn it at both ends

how foh look at you when you haven’t dined with them before

woke up feeling anxious. pretty sure three beers & no dinner will help with this

therapist: the kemi badenoch-signed buzzball can’t hurt you the kemi badenoch-signed buzzball:

comedy tip: say “I’m getting notes of updog” AFTER the waitress pours your wine and not a moment before !! (even if you’re really excited) the joke will not work… ..

prediction: at least one of the restaurant reviews for Kid will have a ‘here’s looking at you’ gag

i am at the entrance of the restaurant holding the door wide open. it is 8pm on a saturday and I want a table but have not booked one. I am staring directly at you as the wind blows napkins off your table and ruins your girlfriend’s fringe. this will happen again in 15 minutes

how london food writers start moving after their first Standard guest critic column

polyamorous chef: I think we should clopen our relationship

sorry I can’t come to your small plates residency tonight my mum said no

my favourite bit in Tony (2026) is when he says ‘it’s tony time!’ and then totally tonys all over those guys

foh and their favourite line cook

not going where I want to eat tonight but he’s the one paying:

weather just hit 23°C time to go insane

entering a restaurant gap relationship with my parents every time they visit london

oh him? that’s my ex-restaurant gap situationship

breaking up with my boyfriend over the phone and he’s breaking down in tears as he tries to pronounce planque one last time