"Participation trophies are ruining kids... Not keeping score is making kids weak..." Those aren't the problem. It's the D1 or bust mentality... The seeking validation and status through your kids sporting success...That's the problem. It's time for a reality check on what actually matters...even if you want your kid to succeed: Consider a counter example: Norway. They are wildly successful. Some of the top athletes in golf, tennis, track and field, soccer, triathlon, and of course they dominate winter sports. Warholm, Blummenfelt, Iden, Ruud, Haaland, and more stars. They punch well above their weight. Yet... Their youth sport is the opposite of the US. No scorekeeping until 13. No travel teams. No trophies unless EVERYONE gets one. Their slogan for youth sports? "Joy of Sport for All." Meanwhile, we're burning out kids & adults alike with our WIN-AT-ALL-COSTS mentality. The research is clear: • Obsessing over outcomes can work in the short run. But it often leads to burnout, anxiety, and even WORSE performance in the long run. Why? It activates avoidance and fear motivation. • Focusing on MASTERY - the process of learning & improving — fuels lasting success AND well-being. It stokes our motivational flames In recent research involving the Swiss Olympic federation... The athletes whose motivation was more intrinsically orientated were much more likely to make it to the international level a few years later. Those who adopted a fear of failure-mindset were less likely to reach the next level. A rush to perform often backfires. A 2021 meta-analysis evaluating over 6,000 athletes across a variety of sports found that those athletes who made it to world-class, when compared to those who were good but not great, tended to have more multisport than specialized practice, start their primary sport later, accumulate less practice time, and progress slightly slower. And in research on prodigies in math, science, and music, psychologist Ellen Winner found that... The prodigies who failed to translate early talent to success in adulthood experienced "excessive extrinsic control and pressure, leading to a decline of intrinsic motivation." She went on to conclude, when we push too hard "the intrinsic motivation and rage to master these children start out with become a craving for the extrinsic rewards of fame" Don't like research? Listen to Tom House, a throwing maestro who has coached Nolan Ryan, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, and Randy Johnson. When he looked at the commonalities between the greats, he noted they were all "Addicted to the process. Winning is a byproduct. They get addicted to the process because it's what they can control... Wins only take them out of the process for moments." When we are striving out of a place of insecurity, when we feel trapped, fear and protection take over. We move from a growth orientation to safety. We have nowhere else to go. We need these "things" to feel validated. We can't live without them. The hungry ghosts take over. They are in control. It's not about the participation trophies... we give them to adults all the time (See: Your medal from the weekend 5k run) It's not about keeping score or not....your kids will know the score and compete like crazy if they care. They do it at recess. It's that we need to create the space for falling in love with the pursuit. And the way we get there is by providing spaces for: Autonomy: You make the choice. NOT feeling compelled or controlled. Mastery: See progress. Display competency Belonging: Genuine connection Those are the building blocks for intrinsic motivation. We must hold onto the idea that outcomes matter, but we should decouple our character from the result and recalibrate what is truly important to ourselves, our pursuits, and our relationships. That's why I wrote Win the Inside Game. Check out the book today: amzn.to/3XfSdS1 How to strive, reach the top, but in a way that is sustainable and doesn't make us or our kids miserable. That's the path. -Steve