Still have never experienced anything more awkward than Dani telling Allison that Max likes her yabbos, in fact he loves them, in Hocus Pocus (1993).

Today at carline duty, I was so busy talking to two dogs in a van that I tripped over a whole-ass fire hydrant.

My neighborhood @pizzahut is unique in that my pizza has never once been ready by the designated pickup time. Today I waited half an hour, but it’s taken much longer before. Doesn’t seem to matter who’s working or what time of day it is. But it’s orgasmically good every time 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I’m being honest I HATE that Starbucks makes their employees write shit on the cups. I know it takes valuable time, sometimes it isn’t legible, it’s not personal to the customer, and every time I see one I’m like “don’t tell me what to do or what kind of day to have.”

I just Googled how fast mushrooms can sprout up out of the ground after it rains, and I’m so fascinated with/repulsed by what I’ve learned. I am so sickened by everything about mushrooms that it is almost a phobia. Want a scary horror movie? Have it feature a mushroom monster

I think hearing @punchbrothers cover Buffalo Springfield’s “Kind Woman” would go a long way towards healing whatever’s wrong with me

For the record, it is very difficult to maintain composure when you’re quietly working at a public library and suddenly through your headphones comes the bugle of an elk, loud as all hell

Nick Lachey on the Love Is Blind Reunion (complimentary)

I think I’ve memorized my new debit card number within a week of receiving it, and the self-satisfaction I feel over it is nauseating and should be studied

Y’all just cannot make me hate Timothèe Chalamet

Guys my Dr. Pepper addiction is back in full swing. I’ve fallen back in love with the good doctor. I had a pretty serious fling with Cherry Coke Zero for a while but thanks to a newly discovered aspartame intolerance, my first love has resurfaced #drpepperbaby #itsgoodandnice

Dude that moment when you’re like “man I really want pizza tonight” only to remember that you ordered pizza last night and therefore have leftover pizza for tonight 🙌🏽🍕

I think someone should cast Madeline Brewer and Dove Cameron as sisters in some sort of psychological thriller. They don’t look ALIKE, but there’s some common thread there.

When Emma Thompson told Timothèe Chalamet that cutting his hair was like the story of Samson & Delilah on the Graham Norton show

If a genie granted me 3 wishes but they could only be weird, small, non-life changing things, one of mine would be that I never forget to order extra garlic dipping sauce at Papa John’s

Hey quick question when Celine Dion said “there were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than any laws allow,” what the fuck kind of sexy illegal escapades was she gettin up to

I really haven’t given this much thought at all, but I think if I could win a lifetime supply of anything, I’d want it to be Kleenex with lotion. I can’t believe how much of it I go through, I just spend so much frickin money on them tbh