Lil G-Pug retweeted
My wife left me home alone with the kids to go out drinking with her friends. A lesser man might whine and complain, but instead I'm just playing Chumbawamba's 1997 hit "Tubthumping" over and over and over. On the jukebox at their bar. Using the TouchTunes app.
Lil G-Pug retweeted
“Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone,” mother would say, going upstairs.
But I couldn’t help myself. I sneaked in and watched him. Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting.
“Nobody’s going to wear those,” I’d say. “They’re stupid.”
But on he worked.
Lil G-Pug retweeted
Me sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!
Me reaping: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.
Lil G-Pug retweeted
My cartoon in the latest @PrivateEyeNews
Lil G-Pug retweeted
me: this is my horse mayo
friend: he’s not even a white horse
me: yah but watch this
mayo: [neighs]
Lil G-Pug retweeted
Me: Is the natural state of the soul quiet or chaos?
Taco Bell cashier: Look buddy, it’s transient, shifting like water
Lil G-Pug retweeted
hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it
Lil G-Pug retweeted
HER: Im breaking up with u
ME: Is it because I say "Uh Oh Spaghetti O's" when things go wrong?
HER: Ya
ME:(under breath) Uh Oh Spaghetti O's
Lil G-Pug retweeted
"I'll take 'song lyrics' for $200, Alex."
Alex Trebek: The Beatles famously sang that this is "all you need."
Haddaway: [just fucking smashing the buzzer so hard]
Lil G-Pug retweeted
God *creates a worm* hello little buddy!
Worm: Thanks for the "worm" welcome haha
God *creates birds*






















