Attempted suicide should be a crime punishable by death. Win win.

It's hard to edit yourself. In the course of writing and rewriting, you’ve read a phrase like “Russian President Vladmir Putin” so often that you pass over it without noticing the “i” missing from “Vladmir.” garyland55.substack.com/p/mi…

What’s the male version of a Karen? A Frank? “Let me interrupt your expert, factual explanation with my opinion.”

Story Time open.substack.com/pub/garyla…

A question you wouldn’t have thought in 2013 that you’d have a hard time answering in 2023: “What is a woman?”

Next billionaire cage fight: Prigozhin vs Putin

Starting wars that you don't win is not a prescription for a long life.

If you were a billionaire, which would you rather do? - Challenge another rich guy to a cage match in Las Vegas? - Visit the Titanic in a submersible straight out of a Grade 11 science project? - Buy a U.S. Supreme Court justice or two

BREAKING NEWS: Rejoice! Autocorrect will stop turning "fucking" into "ducking"

@teussupport I have USA roaming charges and I haven't roamed. Frustrated online. Need a human being.

What institution has done the best job of building untaxable wealth while avoiding criminal prosecution for sexual offences?

Guess who, age 5.

If you want to see America encapsulated in a TV show, I highly recommend Power Slap.

If Biden shoots down one more balloon he wins a stuffed toy panda.

I’m the capo of a print cartel. We smuggle books like Animal Farm and The Scarlet Letter into Florida in shipments of golf equipment.

For a project I’m working on: I called my (late) grandparents Gwum and Granddad, and Granny and Granddad. What did/do you call yours?

ROSS RULES: If communication can be misinterpreted, it will be. A hockey player says, “I only eat pasta on game days.” What’s he actually saying? 1. “I eat nothing but pasta on game days.” 2. “I never eat pasta, except on game days.”