The home of FML since 2009. Submit your FML at https://xitter.cf/t.co/5v5VLifFd1 or via our new iOS and Android app - https://xitter.cf/t.co/TSOTsJwtxJ
Everywhere, baby
Joined February 2009
- Tweets79.8K
- Following468
- Followers117K
- Likes8.6K
FMyLife retweeted
My latest video was just claimed over 15 seconds of me jokingly singing the chorus of Flowers. No background music and I’m literally talking through it as a joke. @TeamYouTube I will never stop hating you until I die
FMyLife retweeted
Would it be in poor taste to promote my video at this juncture? youtu.be/76Ygxcjnoxk?si=6zyk…
FMyLife retweeted
Turns out the friction of having to learn photoshop was a crucial firewall protecting society from the terrible taste of small business owners
FMyLife retweeted
HEY @TeamYouTube PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR CREATORS BEING ROBBED BLIND WHEN THEY ARE CLEARLY ENGAGING IN FAIR USE! I’M BEING FORCED TO GIVE THIS RANDOM COMPANY A TON OF MONEY FOR LITERALLY NO REASON
FMyLife retweeted
Sorry but this is beautiful
🇺🇸 In Miami, two inmates on murder charges who never met face-to-face had a baby through an AIR DUCT.
Daisy (29) and Joan (23) fell in love via the vent between floors. He wrapped his semen in plastic, tied it to a rope made of torn bedsheets, and lowered it down.
She pulled it up and self-inseminated with a store-bought applicator.
In 2024, she gave birth to a baby girl with DNA confirming it’s their child.
The jail is currently investigation this shocking security lapse.
FMyLife retweeted
This is not a heartwarming story. It is actually a glimpse into a modern dystopia.
Texas delivery driver Don Johnson, 81, works 14-hour days to help pay wife's medical bills - strangers raise almost $250K trib.al/iOH2hYR
FMyLife retweeted
If The Atlantic magazine is doing guilt by association, here's a pic of its owner, Laurene Powell Jobs, with Ghislaine Maxwell.
In Defense of Guilt by Association:
Judging people by the company they keep is actually a very good determinant of their character.
Latest me, for @theatlantic:
theatlantic.com/ideas/2026/0…
FMyLife retweeted
Jeremy Strong would treat his co-stars how he imagined Mark Zuckerberg would treat them during ‘THE SOCIAL RECKONING’.
“I told all the other actors in his scenes: ‘Guys, he’s not going to be hanging out with you at craft service. He’s not going to be yucking it up with you between takes. He’s probably not going to speak to you at all.”
(Source: nytimes.com/2026/09/19/magaz…)
FMyLife retweeted
Alien looking over my shoulder: why do you close the app and then immediately open it again
Me: I don’t like your tone
FMyLife retweeted
Met a guy at the bar last night that works as a long-haul trucker. He said he's barely getting by. The Iran War has pushed up his fuel costs. His back hurts, but he has no healthcare. Even worse, AI might automate his job. I put my hand on his shoulder and said "Donald Trump has a poll on whether we should rename Artificial Intelligence to Superior Intelligence." Then this big strong guy who never cries. He said. He said to me, "Thank you President Trump. Thank you." And he burst out crying.
