{{d^.^b}} retweeted
a lot of people have asked why i did this, and Iāve taken some time to reflect on my actions. after careful consideration, iād like to sincerely apologizeā¦ to absolutely no one. fuck him and that little gremlin of a dog.
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
My ex cheated on me. I was devastated.
Friend: You should send her something petty.
Me: Like what?
Friend: Flowers. But make it WEIRD.
I found a florist in Nakameguro.
Florist: What's the occasion?
Me: Revenge.
Florist: eyes light up, Tell me everything.
I explained the situation.
Florist: I have the PERFECT arrangement.
He made a bouquet of:
- Dead roses
- Wilted liliesĀ
- A single cactus
- Card that said: "Hope your new relationship goes as well as these flowers"
Me: This is beautiful.
Florist: I've been WAITING for a customer like you.
Week later: He texted me.
Florist: "Did she get them?"
Me: "Yes. She's furious."
Florist: "Excellent. Tell your friends."
Month 2: I recommended him to a coworker going through a breakup.
Coworker: He made me a bouquet of ONIONS.
Me: Why onions?
Coworker: "To make your ex cry as much as they made you cry."
Coworker: It was GENIUS.
Month 4: The florist had a WAITLIST.
All revenge flowers.
His shop window sign: "Flowers for Every Occasion - ESPECIALLY Bad Ones"
Month 6: He went VIRAL on Japanese Twitter.
A celebrity ordered revenge flowers for her ex.
Posted a photo.
The florist got 500 orders in a week.
News article: "Tokyo Florist Specializes in 'Spite Bouquets'"
Month 8: He opened a SECOND LOCATION.
Hired staff specifically trained in "emotional damage floral design."
Me: You've created an empire.
Florist: I'm just helping people express their feelings.
Me: With dead plants.
Florist: With THERAPEUTIC dead plants.
Month 10: Someone ordered revenge flowers for ME.
Delivery guy: Package for you.
Inside: Beautiful fresh flowers. Card: "For inspiring the pettiest business in Tokyo. Thank you. - The Florist"
Me: crying
Month 12: His shop expanded to "revenge gifts."
- Chocolate that says "Sweet like the lies you told"
- Teddy bears with VERY passive aggressive messages
- Cakes that spell out "I'm over you (but also fuck you)"
Revenue: Ā„15 million/month.
Present day:
The florist is opening locations in Osaka and Kyoto.
He offered me a partnership.
Florist: 10% equity. You were the first revenge customer.
Me: I just ordered flowers!
Florist: You INSPIRED me. This is your legacy.
I took the deal.
I now own 10% of Japan's largest spite-based floral company.
My ex sent me a message last week: "I can't believe you started this."
Me: I didn't start it. I just ordered flowers.
Her: You've created a MONSTER.
Me: *looking at quarterly profits* A very profitable monster.
Revenge is a dish best served with wilted roses apparently.
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
Only a criminal would spray their license plate with Rustoleum 214944 Reflective Coating to avoid being spied on by Flock cameras.
Donāt do it guys!
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
I posted on FB 2 days ago about my liver products being sold at the local grocer, and they sold out within a day
Iāve had 2 ranchers reach out since posting offering to give me their livers
Itās so sweet I could cry- they just want to see me succeed š
I added a pure liver dog food topper too:
paradoxfarmacy.com/products/ā¦
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
šØ NOW: Americans are noticing that Japanese World Cup fans are doing MASS CLEANUPS of AMERICAN STADIUMS after the match
"In Japan, we are taught to clean up in school"
Thug cultures destroy and ravage, others clean and build!
This is why we LOVE JAPAN! PURE CLASS ACT! šŗšøšÆšµ
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
āI never thought Iād live to see the day when the right wing would become the cool ones giving the middle finger to the establishment, and the left wing becoming the snivelling self-righteous twats, going around shaming everyone.ā
- John Lydon, The Sex Pistols
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
22 yrs ago today, after a long zoning dispute with local officials that ruined his business, welder Marvin Heemeyer had enough & created the Killdozer.
He destroyed the mayorās house, the judgeās house, town hall, the police station, & the bank - while avoiding hurting civilians or their property.
Happy Killdozer Day to those who celebrate š
{{d^.^b}} retweeted
Today I learned a term called āPremature Competenceā: When a child is forced to become self sufficient too early because no adult is reliably meeting their needs, they develop a false maturity. In adulthood, they appear highly capable but struggle to ask for help because they never learned it was safe to need anyone.