emma

Ideal first date: You bring your dog. You leave.

receiving a word document written in comic sans feels like an assault to my senses

Tried to find the gym and google maps is out here praying for my downfall

I feel like if you can’t admit that you sucked as a person in other stages of your life, you probably still suck

I used to think the “biological clock” was bullshit but I’m about to turn 25 and I just started having the overwhelming desire to nurture something ... so I bought 13 plants and renewed my IUD

At this point it’s like... why NOT eat a fistful of shredded cheese, y’know?

Gerald and his vegetables are the only thing that bring me joy rn

This season of #TheBachelor is just the Stanford prison experiment with fancy dresses

They’re just gonna bully Heather next week and Katie is not there to save her #TheBachelor

Serena C’s smug little face when Katie’s suitcase was picked up made my blood BOIL I tell you #TheBachelor

*My dad explaining the importance of maximizing my RRSPs and putting money into a TFSA to plan for my future* My brain:

If you ever had to write a long message about him on your notes app, he ain’t the one sis

If you do a night shift, is drinking wine in the morning before you go to sleep still alcoholism? Asking for a friend

The way I screamed “FUCK OFF” when she said “...it’s more than that” #thebachlorette

Somebody tell me why I’m cryin in the club right now #bachelorette

Me: *takes sip of cranberry juice* My brain: “ah yes, virgin vodka cran”

My Spotify wrapped just makes it so obvious that I went through a breakup.

Idk who’s watching the bachelorette rn but I’m officially no longer attracted to Bennet and I think that’s growth on my part