I say things out loud. Opinions are my own and they're the BEST.
Joined June 2011
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Do you ever have days where you’re like GODDAMNIT I CANNOT CONTROL ANYTHING and then you remember you have some random storage containers and you can start eliminating pantry flies?! Because today is that day for me.
So today was...a day. But there’s nothing like Patrick Swayze in his heyday saying things like “pain don’t hurt” and knowing somewhere out there Kelly Lynch’s hubby is getting a ridiculous phone call in an hour.... #ithoughtyoudbebigger
Haven’t tweeted in a hot minute but I’m here to say a) GO TEAM USA!! b) I wanna be Rapino when I grow up and c) Lifetime is making movie versions of VC Andrews’s Casteel series so see you never once they air
Erica Martirano retweeted
This is Mochi. He found a garden friend. Would like to know where they got those wings and if maybe they come in his size. 13/10
In today’s transit fuckery (we’re back to #lirrfail since today at least #mtafail hasn’t happened)...witnessed a man take up THREE SEATS in the four seaters. One for his empty pizza plate, one for his bag, and one for his dumb self #youregrosssir
@DeborahJGlick I have a question. I lived in NYC for the better part of my adult life. I have a rescue dog. I’m infertile. I have four embryos on ice. Your new bill says I can’t get someone in New York who is lovely enough to host my baby. What are MY choices
Oh. Hi. Thanks for thinking about those women with IVF issues whose problems are totally stymied by your stupid non vote. But cool. Keep pretending you’re a feminist.
Firms say US abortion restrictions are 'bad for business' In a capitalist system This may be the only way to protect the basic right of women to control their bodies— till we end patriarchy bbc.co.uk/news/business-4859…
My authors are the BEST!
When the home of one of the reviewers from @texacalibooks caught on fire—amazingly—one of the things she grabbed was an advance copy of my book, Things You Save in a Fire!! She literally saved Things You Save in a Fire from a fire!! 🔥🔥🔥 Now my kids a… bit.ly/2MU1Ap3
So there’s an older woman sitting next to me on my flight home right. Very classy-looking. I’m thinking she’s gonna hate my Real Housewives Hulu. She’s currently watching Vinny and Pauly D on MTV after scarfing two Chicago dogs. I’ve found a soul mate.
God for the love I wish someone would tell me what crawled up by dog’s butt and DIED because his farts are LETHAL and no changing his food does not help at all!!!
Hi I just tried to show the conductor my JetBlue app boarding pass and it wasn’t working and I freaked until he said miss that isn’t your LIRR app 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ yay Wednesday!!!
Between the two girls having literally the most insipid conversation ever and the man sawing logs behind me it’ll be a miracle if I don’t murder someone before we land
Check this beauty out!!!!
Re-watching DEADWOOD in prep for the movie and now I have an overwhelming urge to solely communicate using the word c*cksucker a la Al Swearengen #DeadwoodTheMovie
For real never do this. It’s gross and inappropriate and a guarantee you’ll wind up on a publisher’s no-mail list (cause we do maintain those) when we catch you doing it.
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I will always be both impressed and appalled by women who do their eye makeup on the #LIRR YOU WILL POKE YOUR EYE OUT LADY
If you’re not following @authorMsBev you damned well should be. She could make the directions on an IKEA bookshelf entertaining.
