Because if you are reading this in the late 20th Century, EVERYTHING YOU KNOW REALLY IS WRONG. You are an uncivilized, ignorant,

and secret fate for the Earth so unspeakable that it may take several books to prepare you just to read it.

Sensationalism is just the lure we use in order to communicate in all sobriety certain awful histories

UNSPEAKABLE

1998, X-Day, when the Angelic Host from Planet X descend in glory and terror.

ONLY THESE must wield the relentless POWER of "BOB" on July 5,

No, only the truly abnormal, those who are abnormal inside, in their eternal, ungainly souls, not just maladjusted,

UNBELIEVABLE

the Conspiracy will assimilate them, twist them to fit Their plans, and sell them back to us in CRIPPLED, USELESS condition.

But we must NOT water them down:

And they'll even be DAMN HARD TO FOLLOW for ignorant Subgeniuses.

The teachings of "Bob" are NOT universal. For the Pink at heart they simply won't work. For the evil they'll backfire.

(2) or, as the Prophet Hypercleats dubbed them, Mal-Aligned Normals.

Punks, False Prophets, Hippies, right-wing Nerds, obnoxious would-be hepcats, Nazis, Commies, Glorps

it just better not have been tainted and cheapened by such Normal Armies as Pinks (1),

tries to make a buck. And when this Industrial Church, this Final Organization, takes full power over the entire globe in '98,

The Conspiracy has a way of doing that to damn near anything that comes near it - i.e.

YES - BEWARE - the biggest danger this Earth faces is The Church Of The SubGenius becoming POPULAR and turning into one big CHEAP JOKE.

Still, it's enough time for the Church to be infiltrated and made evil if we don't watch ourselves.

We're going to shock the hell out of every man, woman, and child on this planet. It's a big job, and we only have until 1998 to do it.