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@dis0rient

daydreaming | disordered | vent acc

 25
Joined June 2015
  • Tweets2.7K
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lol i truly would rather remain sick my whole life and being skinny than getting better and gaining tons of weight
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yes I have a complicated relationship with food an unhealthy weightloss goal and disordered eating habits but does that mean I really have an ed? probably not
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i wish i wasn’t so fat and broke
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i do not like reality, i do not like the chore of existing, i do not want to move, nor create, i do not want to partake in this dance with time, i want to cease to exist, i want to be a blip in not only the perspective of the cosmos but in the lives others, i dont want to be here
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I’ve destroyed myself and my body in trying to get thin Yet... somehow... I still believe my life will be better once I get there
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i can’t believe how much i’ve been eating, i’m so disgusting
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❁ retweeted
t (@wtwwtww) profile picture
t@wtwwtww18 Oct 2020
hey quick question. does the pain end
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yes it’s sad that i have spent my entire life violently upset over my weight and trying to lose lbs, firmly believing that nothing good will happen until i’m skinny. yes i will continue trying to lose weight
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❁ retweeted
ً (@iIlfated) profile picture
ً@iIlfated4 Sep 2020
i always feel on edge. when i am “happy” im trying to grasp onto it but theres always something missing. theres always self hate and constant panic and worry in my head. nothing can ever be good enough because im myself
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i'm SO impatient like i want to be at my goal weight immediately can i just wake up tomorrow with all my fat gone please
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I’m so fat I disgust myself so much I hate myself so much just want to destroy myself right now
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Do you ever wonder who you are w out your ED? Do you ever wonder what could make you happy? Do you ever get chills down your spine when you realize there’s nothing, you’re nothing? Same
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I don't know what I'm feeling anymore, I just know I don't like it
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when I say “I hate my body” I don’t mean “oh I’m a little insecure about my belly” or “I could lose a few pounds” I mean I'm repulsed by it. it's horrifying and upsetting to see. I wanna crawl out of my skin.
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Image from Stephen King (@StephenKing)
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the emptiness i feel inside scares me sometimes
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my ED: Comfort ➡️ "at least I'm losing weight/restricting" is an instant comfort. Same with cal counting. Purpose ➡️ I feel lost, without a sense of self or purpose. ED imitates both. Escape ➡️ Life is hard, lets make it simple and soothing by eating less and weighing less¿¿¿
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i’m kinda sick of saying ‘i’m just tired’ because its so much more than that. i am drained, physically, mentally and emotionally. i feel like i don’t even know myself anymore.
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i feel so disgusting n depressed
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“You look tired” bro i wanna die
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