@devonportney

Mom, PR professional, strongly opinionated, constant doer of laundry

 Boston, MA
Joined April 2009
  • Tweets255
  • Following34
  • Followers28
25Media
#iwastodayyearsold when I learned it's 8 Track and not A Track.
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Remember how just last week Don Jr. complained about Biden talking about other things while people die in Ukraine? Good thing his father doesn't do that. #holeinone
Let me tell you what I wish I’d known When I was young and dreamed of glory You have no control Who lives, who dies, who [borrows your song title to write a cash-in book when they could have testified before Congress] tells your story... secure.fairfightaction.com/j…
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Blah blah blah thoughts and prayers, blah blah blah do nothing, blah blah blah watch more people die. #ElPaso #Dayton #walmartshooting #DaytonMassShooting
The most difficult thing from #CaptainMarvel to explain to my daughter was what a Blockbuster was. And VHS's.
Eating scrambled egg crumbs over the sink with a Minnie Mouse fork because that's how I get my sustenance.
Um, @realDonaldTrump , honestly do you do anything other than tweet and watch tv? I guess we should all be grateful that you are not actually interested in governing.
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4 yr old: How come Elmo doesn't have a mom or dad? Me: I think he does, we just don't see them. 4 yr old: Why? Me: Well maybe they just work a lot. 4 yr old: Or maybe they died.
In Trump's defense, the only reason they set up a pyramid scheme was to teach Eric his shapes.
Judd Legum
@JuddLegum29 Oct 2018
BREAKING: A civil RICO suit has been brought against The Trump Organization, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump and Ivanka Trump in United States District Court for their participation in a pyramid scheme
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Me: We're seeing #Hamilton in like, 3 weeks! Husband: Yeah, we're gonna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens. Me: I love you.
My daughter now loves to sit and brush my hair. All my parenting has led to this moment.
You can't have an #AHSApocalypse with a murder house/coven crossover w/o #jessicalange. It needs her. We need her. #bringjessicaback #AHS8
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Sarah Palin says she knew her interview with @SachaBaronCohen was fake when he started saying weird things and saying things that weren't true. Now she knows how it feels for anyone who has interviewed her, ever.
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Dear Walmart and Home Depot: Here is all my money. Sincerely, #newhomeowner
3 yr old watching TV at restaurant: hey, that's the same commercial as our tv! Hubby: yup, they love to sell us crap. 3 yr old: yeah, crap is crappy. #toddlertruth
3 yr old an hour past bedtime: Mommy, you give me 5 dollars and let me watch the movie, and I'll give you my pretzels. Me: 😒 Go to bed.
Please don't end #Brooklyn99 it's hilarious and super entertaining (#titleofyoursextape). Come on cable channels or Netflix, pick this show up and keep it going! #RenewB99
I was going to post a picture for #nationalpetday but I have cats and they're assholes.
My heart is so full watching these amazing kids. Soon to be voters, and in the near future, eligible to run for office. This. Is. Happening. #MarchForOurLives #NeverAgain #VoteThemOut
Hey @BachelorABC #DonaldTrumpJr could be your next bachelor. You could call it "The Bachelor Perestroika".
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