sorry i’ve been afk for a few years, i was in a coma. jk my life was falling apart and i lost access to my account. anyway? how you been?

Im not gonna cry today.

Yesterday someone knocked on my office door and I answered “cowabunga” and I have no idea what’s going on anymore

False pockets on a dress are an offense by the patriarchy. I am the victim of a crime

Just in case you’re looking, my org at Apple is hiring SREs, engineering managers, infrastructure managers, a system’s reliability tech lead, a cloud SRE manager, build engineers and much more. These aren’t full time remote roles, but im happy to provide more info in dms

sorry i disappeared from twitter for a while, i was busy working really hard, sweating a lot, crying a little and getting promoted 🖤 i hope you had a great summer 🫶🏼

Im spending next week at a retreat in the desert so I did my nails last weekend to go with the theme & coincidentally these 🔥 shoes arrived in the mail last night which also match

What if instead of turtles, it was just mediocre white men thinking they know more than they do all the way down

me: I can't believe these people are squatting on a whole /32 coworker: devon, thats a single ipv4 me: exactly. like what year is it.

How do you say “no you’re wrong and what you’re spewing is totally lies” but like professionally?

for my former self*, let’s push all the junk to production that we’ve been sitting on the last week and see if we can cause some mayhem *my former punk rock teen self would call me a sell out, key my car and steal my shoes

Redid my nails so I had to buy some new shoes to match.

I know a lot of people more willing to permanently share their location than send read receipts and honestly I agree.

Let’s go wwdc friends! Today is gonna be awesome! Also these nails took me almost five hours to do so please tell me they’re cute.

Im bored by the pool in Bahamas so I just asked my husband to mansplain kernel level cpu affinity to me

I take a couple advil, as a treat

_texting my boss this morning_ Me: what are you wearing today? I wanna make sure we don’t wear the same thing Him: ??? Me: don’t say I didn’t warn you _shows up to work dressed like cotton candy_

Im going to the Bahamas this week so I spent 4+ and 10+ coats of polish to create these beachy nails then matched my outfit today for an empty office & no one to notice.