@dbern

obviously, I’m a very active twitter user

 New York
Joined July 2008
  • Tweets35
  • Following21
  • Followers34
2Media
If beans are the musical fruit, then cauliflower is the quiet kid with no obvious ambitions and a strange odor.
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Choaking never felt so good. #FromBeheindlichManeuver #FirstAidTip
In a coffee shop. Girl next to me. she breathes through nostrils as though her nose will propel her through the window. #IhopeSheSucceeds
DC shuts down when the weatherman farts. #DC #PanicAttack #ItMightRain
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RT @jwpetersNYT: First images coming in of DC earthquake devastation: bit.ly/bdfNuk
I just Shazamed myself singing Katy Perry's Firework and it tagged a song of singing cats. #WatchOutRebeccaBlack
Tonsil hockey really should be our national sport. Unless of course this sport were to be played on family holidays. #NFLsucks #NBAsucks
July 4, 1776: the day that we “unfollowed” King George. #waytoointotwitter
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I have an irrational fear of a sommelier pirate hijacking. #TheDangerousNapaValleyInCali
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"You son of a motherless goat" - me to the guy in the subway holding a sign that said "curse me for a dollar." #GivingNeverFeltSoWrong
Whoever came up with the brand "GoGurt Strawberry Banana Burst" was clearly marketing to frustrated housewives #ShamelessBranding #Yoplait
Mermaid Parade at Coney Island. Mermaids don't have legs! #SlowestParadeEver
An employee w/ pink hair just told me they don't sell exploding golf balls bc they are a "store for serious golfers." Pink hair...
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Homeless guy got on the F Train this morning & only solicited Asians because "they haven't given in a long time" #NYCsubway #TargetMarketing
Have you ever gotten the feeling you'll get herpes from some ATM machines? twitpic.com/5bilfc #FilthyATM
The Belmont Stakes is like watching the Danny Devito sex tape. #Short #2min30secRunTime
Thanks to global warming, my subway ride this morning was bikram. #CommuterYoga
To all 39 of my followers, in recognition of Memorial Day, I will not be writing a Twitter post today.
I wish my joy was complete, running through the grass.
Quality dandruff shampoos would sell much better if packaged with a snow globe. #DonaldTrumpsDander #FormerPresidentialCandidate
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