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David Heti

@davidheti

I just want to apologize to everyone

 home or bed
davidheti.com
Joined December 2011
  • Tweets2.1K
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Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)Photo by David Heti (@davidheti)
Three more Monk albums for the kids. *Then* I can kill myself
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Baseball game’s a good place to think about your father who’s passed
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Gotta better pretend to be charmed by the dog in the elevator
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So disgusted this morning having to see everyone who didn't win an Oscar
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I hope that thing I ordered wasn’t supposed to be coming through the Strait of Hormuz
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Why should I pay more for the ticket to see a show of someone my own age than they would pay to see my show??
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Passed over for Pope yet again
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Always a shock just how many more homeless people there are on the subway than in my car
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Everyone looking shabbier generally
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Image from David Heti (@davidheti)
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When a couples therapy on Valentine's, do you offer the flowers before or after the session?
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Can't believe my girlfriend would rather go to her sister's destination wedding than purchase a $4000 subwoofer
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Djokovic continuing to make me look bad
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Biden for VP
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Montreal show tomorrow. 7pm. BENELUX. Comedy On The Well Fest thepointofsale.com/tickets/j…
Comedy on the Well presents The “We drove in from Toronto Show” - July 8th 2024 - Benelux Welling...

Comedy on the Well presents The “We drove in from Toronto Show” - July 8th 2024 - Benelux Welling...

[English show] From the city that only learned to have fun less than a decade ago, Toronto's finest (along with a select few of their Montreal friends) hit the stage with a suitcase full of their...

thepointofsale.com
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Instead of summiting Everest I’d like to see more of those tiresome adventure types make goes at the Darién Gap
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This series has really given me a lot of hope for the second half of my life
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What kind of sadist invented this day? Every year makes me wish my mother had never been born
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People walking around outside early-spring ought to be better looking than this
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I'm the only one staying as thin and beautiful as I age
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