When a new restaurant “does things a little bit differently”

Tricked my bf into watching all three extended editions 😈

the substance

JD Vance like

Someone needs to do something about supermarket prices I’m circling the yogurt aisle psyching myself up like I’m about to rob a bank

I’m “making a list of things to discuss with the dermatologist”-years-old 👼

How do I tell the person who lives in the apt below mine that doing nonstop, bad + loud Madonna karaoke by themselves is embarrassing? A note? Rock through the window? Kill myself in front of them??

“Ummm Challengers much?” - me hanging w/ any two hot ppl

🎶 Tap me on the shoulder when you reload the gun 🎶

Being over 30 & childless means I have 10k+ photos of pizza on my phone

walking in the midwest is tricky cause im always startling pedestrians w/ my purposeful stride & bad attitude

you think I’m joking but this is literally me at work

those little baggies for drugs are so cute whenever I see one I want to make a lil sandwich for a hamster so bad

A remake of Sleeping with the Enemy & it’s just me cat sitting her

Dune (part 1)

I know I wouldn’t last a day on Arrakis I’d break out my travel bidet & the fremen would immediately kill me 🙄