9 kinda hurt my feelings earlier so I reminded him he only exists because daddy wanted an online aesthetic.
I’m the dad guy. retweeted
My wife: Can you take the baby for a walk
Me: I can generate a video of him outside
My wife: He needs fresh air
Me: I can add a fan
I’m the dad guy. retweeted
i was genuinely meant to be a deadbeat middle aged alcoholic father but instead i got stuck as a young woman
I’m the dad guy. retweeted
If you spin kick a dad at a hardcore show his divorce papers fly out of his pockets like Sonic rings
Acting jealous and weird when I sense one of the other dads is drunker than me at the little league tournament.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like no one is watching.
Post like your kids won’t go no contact.
I secretly pull one of my kids aside every few months to tell them that their sibling is my favorite.
Accidentally admitted I enjoy my family around the other parentfluencers and one of them bit off my acl.
Woke up in a ditch covered in piss. Last thing I remember was the dad next door buying a bigger mower than me.





