Life’s a comedy but when you’re a dad it’s a dark one. Absurd is the new normal. Not featured on @huffpost @buzzfeed @boredpanda
Land of Confusion
Joined June 2022
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Can’t wait to see my Spotify summary. My 3yo worked really hard to push Paw Paw Boogie up the charts this year
What are the most dramatic things you have done which in Toddlers World cannot be undone and cause endless havoc?
10 hrs flight with a bored 2yo who gets fever on the first night so you need to cancel a non refundable boat trip. What else could go wrong?
Diarrhea:
Human self-preservation instinct is extraordinary. Infants naturally behave like cute and sweet creatures around strangers to trick them into having their own babies.
A toddler needs 1 day to make any item look 10 years older. Who wants to buy my cool vintage table from early 1800s?
I really enjoyed that 5 seconds of silence after she said “I’ll shut up and not interrupt you while you’re driving”
Daddy⤏In⤏Motion retweeted
My husband and I just spent 15 minutes watching the intro waiting for our movie to start. Turns out we were watching the credits of a movie we’d already seen. And if that doesn’t describe the tiredness of parenting, I don’t know what does.
My wife is going on a business trip. Who’s gonna help me find the things that are just in front of me now?
Hey @YouTube, how to turn off the touch-and-hold shortcut? I can't stand Cocomelon at 2x speed anymore 😭
...and voices in my head go round and round, round and round... all freaking time!
There are many things I would never say if I wasn't a dad. For example "Take that sausage off the cat!"
